AND NOW the answers to ASK GOD: CATHOLIC EDITION:

1. Why do catholic priests like little boys so much?

Pedophiles like to become priests because they know they will be left alone with children. Not all priests are pedophiles though. There are at least 15-20 good ones out there.

2. Why aren’t priests who molest children immediately ex-communicated?

I know, right? As the LORD, I feel that pedophile priests should be immediately ex-communicated, convicted and thrown into solitary confinement. But for some reason the Catholic church protects these sick bastards. The LEAST they could do would be to cut their dicks off. Why would a priest need his dick anyway?

3. If the pope believes you love and protect him, why does he drive around in his bullet proof pope-mobile?

The Pope knows that the LORD is not going to do anything to stop him from being assassinated. He talks to Me regularly and knows how much I don’t like him.

4. God why did you make priests celibate and than ask them to hear everybody's dirty confessions?

What?! Humans are the ones who invented all these crazy rules and regulations. Why would anyone ever think that celibacy is a healthy or normal life choice? I certainly don’t know what the fuck you people are thinking sometimes.

5. Is every sperm really sacred?

Yes. Every single sperm carries the codes needed to launch a new human into existence. Therefore, every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm gets wasted, I GET QUITE IRATE!#%#!$!@!

6. If Catholics believe that the wine and bread literally become Jesus inside of them, does that mean they later poop out Jesus?

Yes. Catholics go to mass and eat from the body of Christ. They also drink from the blood of Christ. Several hours later they shit the poop of Christ. Sometimes, if they are truly faithful, they will even see the face of Jesus in their turds.

7. Why do Catholic girls like anal so much?

Catholics girls like anal so much because they have been sexually repressed for so long. If you want to make a girl go crazy for sex, just tell her everyday that she’s a dirty, sinful creature that needs to be punished. She’ll be fucking her way to freedom in no time.